Stuck In A Rut? How To Pull Yourself Out

We all get in a rut sometimes, but if you find that you are spending a lot of time feeling low, or that you've been feeling this way for a long time, it could be that you are stuck in a rut, maybe without even realising it. So, how do we get ourselves out of a rut?

Recognise you're in a rut
It might seem obvious now that we are talking about it, but I'm sure many of us have had the experience of looking back at a period in our lives and only then realising what a rut we were in. A natural reaction that many of us employ when we feel stuck to begin with is saying "its not that bad" or "it hasn't been that long". However, if we're not careful, before we know it, we've been that way for weeks, months or years!

Get clear
Doing a life coaching exercise like "The Wheel of Life" is a good way to assess the different areas of your life and see what's working well and what's not working so well.

Once you have identified the area(s) you are in a rut with, then its time to get clear what's going on. Are you scared of moving forward? have you developed some unhealthy habits? Are you resigned?

Take action
Once you have identified where you are stuck and what's been stopping you, its time to set some goals and to take action. Using SMART goals.

SMART Goals are:

• Specific
• Measurable
• Achievable
• Realistic
• Timely

If you have lots of areas that need attention, choose the most important one to you to work on first. Don't overwhelm yourself by trying to do too much in one go or give up because it seems like too much to do. One step at a time...

Be accountable
We are more likely to succeed with our goals if they live somewhere else as well as in our minds. Whether that's on paper, with a supportive friend or with a coach. Being accountable about our goals means we are less likely to let our old patterns run the show (things like giving up before we started, letting ourselves off the hook and on the other end of things being excessively hard on ourselves and expecting too much). Being accountable isn't about beating ourselves up but about keeping our dreams and goals alive and keeping the momentum up.

Recognise your achievements
Being positive with yourself is vital for your wellbeing but very much so when you are feeling stuck in a rut. Be gentle and encouraging with yourself: don't beat yourself up or berate yourself about where you are or about the speed of your progress, it will just make you feel worst and lead to demotivation. Get in the habit of recording your achievements each day. Many of us are very good at pointing out what we haven't done or what's left on our to do list. Be your own cheerleader and treat yourself as you would a good friend.

Take care of your health
Leading on from my point about treating yourself well, our health is often something that takes a back seat when we're in a rut. It is a good practice to take care of your health, making sure you eat well and exercise. For example, yoga can help with depression.

Don't underestimate the power of a healthy body and mind in being able to help you make positive changes in your life!

Seek support
Sometimes we all need an extra bit of help when making changes in our lives. Life coaching can be helpful. Feel free to contact me about a free consultation if you are interested. However, if you suspect you are depressed or need medical support, make sure you consult your GP.

Shake things up
Sometimes all that's left to do is shake things up! This man's story is fascinating. He did just that.

Are you feeling stuck in your life or your business?

If you enjoyed this and are also interested in feeling more pulling yourself out of a rut or working on another area of your life or business, then book your free consultation with me here at my coaching page.

Photo by Mykl Roventine via Flickr

How To Stop Worrying (& Start Living)

by -po via Flickr

"God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference." ~ The Serenity Prayer

Do you find yourself worrying about things you can’t control (or even things you can)? Do you go over and over situations in your kind? We all know that worrying doesn't make a difference, so why do we still do it? There are many reasons we worry. Worrying gives us the illusion of control, as if we are doing something about whatever it is we are worrying about. It is also a bad habit that many people get into, which then becomes an entrenched way of being.

However, have you ever found that worrying has made any difference? Life has a way of working itself out, one way or the other. Even if our worst case scenario plays out in real life, worrying never makes a difference in the meantime or makes us more prepared for a situation when it arrives.

So how do we stop worrying? As the quote at the beginning of this article says, we need to learn to know the difference between what we can and cannot change and respond appropriately.

1. Be Proactive

Have you found yourself worrying about something, but not doing anything to make a change or make it better? Sometimes, worrying actually stops us from doing what needs to be done; it can make us freeze or stop in our tracks. One way to deal with worry is to make sure you have done everything that can be done in a situation. Then, if you start to worry, you can start by reminding yourself that you have done everything that can be done for now. If a new idea for how to tackle a situation comes into your head that’s a different story and can be guidance to use, however if you find yourself going around in circles again, it’s time to stop the cycle. 

2. Create A New Intention

It can be helpful to create a new intention to stop worrying. If you are noticing how much worry is part of your life, you could create a goal of being worry free for example. Having a tangible and measurable goal helps to crystallize your goal and make it real. You could share your new intention with others, so they can help you stay on track. We all need that extra bit of help sometimes to create a  new habit.

3. Watch Your Language

The words we use are powerful tools in creating our experiences in life. One way to deal with worry is to start noticing the words you use and how they make you (and others) feel. Choosing positive language will help you to feel more empowered around your life experiences. If you find yourself feeling anxious or worried when talking, it is a good sign that you are using language that is feeding your worries. It can be useful to use that feeling as a sign post that you need to stop and adjust what you are saying to a more positive interpretation (or maybe to say nothing at all). Talking about our worries can be helpful at times; however it can be helpful to become more conscious about what you are saying and why you are saying it to be clear about whether what you are saying is helping you or not. This isn’t about lying to yourself or pretending you don’t feel a certain way but realizing that what we think and say has the power to bring more of that experience into our lives. 

4. The Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction simply says that you attract into your life whatever you think about; your dominant thoughts will find a way to manifest. Therefore, we need to pay attention to the quality and direction of our thoughts. Our life is a mirror of our thoughts.

     5. Beware of Other Worriers

As the saying goes, “birds of a feather flock together”. When you start to deal with your habit for worrying, you may notice that many of the people around you are worriers or feed your worries. Start to notice when you feel more empowered and the times when you worry more and how it relates to associating with the different people  in your life. For example, if you have a friend that always feeds your concerns about money, it is worth recognizing this and either limiting conversations about that topic or finding away to limit their influence on you.

6. Cultivate Presence

Worrying leaves us living in our heads and churning over the past and the future. An antidote to this is learning to cultivate presence. Practice being here now. When I find myself worrying or going around in an endless loop in my head, I gently bring myself back to the present moment. 

7. Seek Assistance

There are many wonderful tools available that can help us with our emotional goals, including worrying less. Emotional Freedom Technique, meditation and yoga are all helpful techniques that we can practice to gain some mastery over our emotional landscape.

8.  Let Go

Learning to let go of (the illusion of) control is vital in learning how to stop worrying. Being human, there is only so much we can do about a given situation and then the rest really is out of our hands, whether we want to accept it or not. Whatever your religious or spiritual belief or non –belief, we are all aware that there is only so much we can control. Practice letting go and trusting. 

Life is short and precious. Learning to let go of worry and live in the present moment helps us to appreciate and savor it all the more.

Are you feeling stuck in your life or your business?

If you enjoyed this and are also interested in creating a life you don't need to escape from, then book your free consultation with me here at my coaching page.

Developing Your Intuition

by patriziasoliani via Flickr

Intuition is subtle. It is not an outside force that compels you, but rather a small inner voice that knows. ~ James Van Praagh

Everyone is intuitive, however some people are more in tune with their intuition than others. Intuition is one of the most important skills you can develop; It is like an internal roadmap or compass which is uniquely yours.

Cast your mind to a time when you "knew" something without being told it or had a bad feeling about someone that turned out to be right. This is your intuition at work. To develop your intuition you need to practice listening to your thoughts and feelings and trusting yourself.

Take Responsibility
At times, it might seem easier to go with the flow or take other people's guidance on what you should or shouldn't do in a given situation, however though this might seem easier in the short term it means you hand over responsibility to others for your decisions. Doing this moves us further away from your intuition. Listening to and acting on your intuition might mean doing something different to usual, however notice the difference that you feel when you do what feels right for you rather than dismissing it or going with popular consensus, so as not to rock the boat.  

Be Courageous 
Listening to and acting on our intuition takes courage. Listening to our intuition might mean going against the grain or doing something that people in your life don't agree with. It isn't predictable. However, when we start listening and acting on our intuition we start to go with the flow of what is right for us and our lives. 

First Impressions
First impressions have the benefit of coming through before our "rational" mind gets involved. Notice your first thoughts about people or situations before you start over thinking.

Observe
To tap into your intuition you need to be able to observe what is going on both inside you and externally in your life. Intuition may come as a "hunch" or you may feel a certain way. You might literally hear the words or receive a "sign", for example noticing that you keep reading about the same topic. Developing your observation skills and being self aware will help you to pick up on your intuition more easily.

Quieten Your Mind
Our intuition is always present but we may need to quieten our minds and our lives to hear it. Intuition won't always linear or "obvious"; sometimes, it takes time and space to be able to hear what we need to hear. Meditation and yoga are both good practices that can help you quieten your mind and body down, which allows our intuitive voice through. Have you ever noticed how things seem clearer after a holiday or day away from the office? Our minds and bodies are relaxed, making it easier to see the wood for the trees and to listen to our intuition. Taking quiet time regularly gives you a "holiday" from the daily grind, which helps the intuitive voice come through.

Protect Your Energy
Protecting your energy is important in developing your your intuition. Intuition can be affected by the people around you, especially if they are energy vampires. Have you ever started doubting yourself around certain people? Protecting your energy and keeping yourself healthy and strong in mind and body, helps your intuition.

Are you feeling stuck in your life or your business?

If you enjoyed this and are also interested in developing your intution or working on another area of your life or business, then book your free consultation with me here at my coaching page.

How To Deal With Energy Vampires

by inf3ktion via Flickr
Do you find that some people in your life lift you up whereas others pull you down or leave you drained? No one is positive 100% of the time, but if you consistently find that your energy is being depleted when you are around certain people, it could be a sign that you are dealing with an energy vampire.

How Do You Recognize An Energy Vampire?

An energy vampire is someone who drains your energy. Energy vampires may consistently engage in some of the following behaviours:

• Speak and behave negatively
• Engage in gossip about others
• Put others down and belittling them and their lives
• Put themselves down (and  try to elicit sympathetic energy from others)
• Engaging in a victim mentality
•  Not taking responsibility
• Expect others to do things that they don’t want to do
•  Take others for granted
• Talk too much or too little, leaving their relationships out of balance
• Overload you with their problems
• Play games and manipulate others
•  Be demanding and expect things their way
• Try to make themselves feel better by putting others down
•  Reveling in others misfortune

Do remember no one is perfect; the key to recognizing an energy vampire is the consistency of their behaviours.

So how do we deal with an energy vampire?

How To Deal With Energy Vampires

      1. Listen To Your Intuition

Listen to what your feelings are telling you. If you always feel uncomfortable around a certain person or when a certain situation with a person arises, take notice and see what that feeling is telling you. Our feelings are a good indicator as to what is going on in our relationships. If you cannot put your finger on why you feel a certain way, just observe the feeling for now and explore what is going on. You many notice that though a friend is always offloading her problems on to you. It is good to be there for our friends at times, but if the dynamic of your relationship means that you seem to always be the listener, it could be time to try and get some balance back. You could try to approach your conversations with your friend in a way that leaves you both able to share, for example.

2. Stay Grounded

Stay grounded and don’t allow yourself to get pulled in by an energy vampire. Others can only take our energy if we allow them to, though it may happen subtly which is why it is good to be aware of what is happening and why you might be feeling the way you do so you can prevent it in future.

3. Protect Yourself

Practices like meditation and yoga can help to build up your strength around energy vampires and stop others from taking your energy.

4.  Be Self Aware

Developing self awareness will help you to deal with energy vampires. It will help you to see what is going on and what is “their part” and what is yours. If you notice that most of the people in your life are energy vampires for example, you can look at your behaviour too and see what you are doing to attract and maintain these relationships. This isn’t about blaming yourself but empowering yourself to make a change. For example, you may see that you are consistently engaging in people pleasing behaviours which makes it easier for energy vampires to take your energy. Being aware of what you are doing in the relationship will help you to take responsibility for your part and make more positive choices in the future.

5. Reduce Contact

At times the best thing to do with an energy vampire is to limit contact. This may help to restore the balance or realign the relationship in a healthier way. However, this doesn’t always work and it may be time to let go of that friendship. Everyone is different, and you will need to listen to your intuition about the best way to approach the situation.

Are you an energy vampire?

None of us are perfect and most of us will have engaged in energy vampire behaviours at some point in our lives which is why self awareness is important. However, if you are recognising that you may be behaving as an energy vampire on a regular basis, it could be time to get things back into balance. At the heart of being an energy vampire is that you feel on some level that you need to take other peoples energy. You may feel that you don’t have enough energy yourself or that you need the positive reinforcement that comes from people feeling sorry for you (for example). Start noticing if you ‘need’ other people to make you feel good and see if there are ways you could meet your own needs in a healthier way. How can you increase your energy and personal power so that you don’t need to feed off other people’s energy? Non violent communication and looking at a needs inventory is a great place to start.

Summary

Your energy and life force is precious. If you are dealing with someone who is draining your energy on a regular basis, see what you can do to make a change. Encourage the positive relationships in your life that lift you up and help you feel better about yourself. You deserve the best!

Are you feeling stuck in your life or your business?

If you enjoyed this and are interested in working on dealing with energy vampires or working on another area of your life or business, then book your free consultation with me here at my coaching page.