Creating A Life You Don't Need To Escape From

Photo by Vincepal via Flickr

“Instead of wondering where your next vacation is, maybe you ought to set up a life you don’t need to escape from.” – Seth Godin

I hardly ever go on holiday these days; I don't feel I need to. If we do fancy some time away, we arrange it but otherwise, my life has definitely become one that I don’t need to escape from.

My husband and I have done a fair bit of travelling, both together and before we met. We plan to do more in the future but for now it’s not a priority (for various reason including building up our businesses, our gorgeous cat that we don't like leaving too long and the fact that we live in a beautiful part of the world right now) but I have found that most days are very enjoyable now and my life is one that I definitely don't need to escape from. 

My life hasn’t always felt this way. I've had my fair share of ups and downs and my life isn't always perfect, after all, who’s is? However I am aware that I have managed to do what Seth Godin so eloquently says in the quote above, so I thought that I would share what I have learnt with you:

Commit Sparingly 

In my experience, a big part of most of most people’s "escape" fantasy is due to allowing themselves to get locked into a life that doesn't resonate with them. I have definitely been down that road more than once! This doesn't usually happen overnight; gradually, we make decisions or allow decisions to be made for us that take us more and more off course from what we really want. Before we know it, we might be spending a good portion of the week in a job we don't really like, in a relationship that doesn’t support us, with people that don’t really get us. We don’t always know what to do about it, or even what the “it” is. We just know that something isn’t right.

Learning to be honest with ourselves about our wants and needs, being aware of what we are committing to (and the impact of those decision over time) and being authentic what we want helps us to create a life that we really want to inhabit and not one that we don't want to escape from.

Taking Responsibility

To ensure we are creating a life we don't need to escape from we need to learn to take responsibility for all our decisions. We may find ourselves scratching our heads and wondering how we got to where we are, but ultimately we are the ones making the day to day decisions that create our lives (or abdicating responsibility by allowing others to make them for us.) As hard as that can be to admit, it is an important thing to realise and one that will be invaluable when making new, more conscious decisions going forward. I used to be a bit of a people pleaser. It was only when I started being more responsible about being authentic and honest with myself and others that the quality of my life began to really improve. It can be hard to say no to others at times and say what you need, but if you are not able to do it, you are the one creating the obligation and stress in your life that you may eventually want to escape from.

Live Below Your Means
Our perspective is important in creating a life we don’t need to escape from; however just as important are the practicalities. Often, living beyond our means is what contributes to our feeling of being trapped or feeling tired with needing to “keep up with the rat race”. Living below your means enables you to have “room to move”, you are not living paycheck to paycheck and you are giving yourself more choices (it might be travelling the world, going freelance or just working less; whatever your dream is). 

If you are not sure where all your money is going, take an inventory to see what is necessary and what could be cut. What we need to be happy is often a lot less than we might think. Spending less can help you to create more free time which can have the added bonus of giving you time to pursue activities that you really enjoy. You might even find the space to create new income streams more in line with what you enjoy doing. 

Living below our means, has meant that my husband and I can now do work we both really enjoy, which has helped us to enjoy out day to day lives much more (hence the need for less vacations). For example, we don't shop or eat out as much as we once did but the overall feeling of well being that we are getting from creating a life we don't need to escape on a day to day basis from far outweighs this (and less stress often reduces the need for "treats").

Practice Gratitude
What we focus on increases; whether negative or positive.

The power of looking for things to be grateful for can't be underestimated. As I said earlier, my life isn't perfect, but by seeking out opportunities to feel and express gratitude, I notice that my mind starts to notice the good more than the (so called) bad. I try to write a gratitude journal each evening to end the day on a positive note and I really recommend this practice - it really does shift your perspective!

Be Honest
The feeling of wanting to escape doesn't come out of thin air. If you are feeling you want to escape, you will need to be honest with yourself and see what it is that you want to escape from. This isn’t always easy work. You may notice that your friendships are not really supporting you, or that you are spending a lot of your income on things or experiences that you don’t really need. 

Creating a life that you don’t need to escape from does involve facing what you are feeling that you want to run from head on and transforming your relationship to those things.

Are you feeling stuck in your life or your business?

If you enjoyed this and are also interested in creating a life you don't need to escape from, then book your free consultation with me here at my coaching page.